this is a link to my blog in multiply about mama…
http://kerengraine.multiply.com/journal/item/16/about_mama…
last night was a lot for me. when the devil saw you with so much faith, he’ll begin to tear you apart and pull you down. but God sent His angels to lift you up and carry you in their wings. ate marie and andrew, thank you so much for being with me last night… =)
got this from kizia and she got it from her friend. =)
——————————————————————————————
Cheating happens when you start looking for what you dont have.
Somewhere
along the way, you will meet someone who will be more charming or
sensitive than the one youre already with. more sexy. more thoughtful.
wealthier, better in bed. and you will meet someone who will need you
and pursue you and go loco over you more than your boyfriend/girlfriend
ever did. because no boyfriend/girlfriend is perfect. because your
boyfriend/girlfriend will only have 90 percent of what youre looking for.
Cheating
happens when you start looking for what you dont have. but faithfulness
happens when you start thanking God for what you already do.
——————————————————–
To those who happen to stumble across this blog:
When
someone slowly embraces the temptation of cheating, I think the person
is in a state of denial. Even the person willing to cheat with the
cheater is clueless of being used. Both aren’t aware of all the
"wrong-ness" of what they are doing. They find a loophole to what they
are doing to make it seem they aren’t doing anything wrong. But that excuse is unacceptable.
If
your relationship is kind of rocky a the moment, cheating will only
complicate your life even more. It is not worth it. "Complicated" does
not match with "Happiness". They just don’t mix. You will only feel
temporary happiness, and it’s not going to last because karma is going
to bite you in the ass. All the explaining, cursing, shame, and
confrontations you’re going to have to face after is going to be a
killer. How people are going to look at you after is is even worse. (been there, done that. it’s a crappy feeling)
Be
loyal to the one you love. Don’t throw away or put to waste all the
care, memories, and love you both shared. Because if one day you
realize what you did was wrong and you wanna fix things, you’re
definitely going to have an extremely difficult time proving yourself
and fixing the damage you recklessly caused.
How do you bring back the trust? Is it even possible?
WHY IS LIFE SO COMPLICATED?
Somebody save me please.
What if "the one" isn’t
supposed to be the person who takes your breath away?
- but rather, it’s the
person who helps you breathe easier when times get rough…
What if "the one" isn’t
supposed to be the person you stay up all night thinking about?
- but rather, it’s the
person who helps you to sleep easier knowing that they are in your life…
What if "the one" isn’t
supposed to be the person who completes you?
- but rather, it’s the
person who makes you feel whole and able to be who you are when you’re by
yourself…
What if "the one" isn’t
supposed to be the person who sweeps you off your feet?
- but rather, it’s the
person who helps you to stay grounded, focused and determined to do the things
you set out to do…
What if "the one" isn’t
supposed to be the person who totally understands you and knows everything
about you?
- but rather, it’s the
person who sees things that you don’t and spends the time to try to get to know
more of you…
What if "the one" isn’t
supposed to be the one who brings out the best in you?
- but rather, it’s the
person who helps you to discover the things about yourself that you need to
change…
What if "the one" isn’t the
person who gives you butterflies, or makes you feel all tingly on the inside?
- but rather, it’s the
person who gives you comfort when you need it and makes you feel safe on the
outside…
What if "the one" isn’t the
person you’ve been waiting for all your life?
- but rather, it’s the
person that’s been waiting for YOU all your life…
–Ptr. King
I got
this entry from a friend and I think I need to share it. It’s kinda long but it’s
worth reading. =)
The Sacrament Of Waiting
Fr. James Donelan, S.J.
The English poet John Milton wrote that those who serve only also stand and
wait. I think I would go further and say that those who wait render the highest
form of service. Waiting requires more discipline, more self-control and
emotional maturity, more unshakable faith in our cause, more unwavering hope in
the future, more sustaining love in our hearts that all the greatest deeds of
deering-do go by the name of action.
Waiting is a mystery - a natural sacrament of life - there is a meaning hidden
in all the times we have to wait
. It must be an important mystery because there is so much
waiting in our lives.
Everyday is filled with those little moments of waiting (testing our patience
and our nerves, schooling us in self-control.) We wait for meals to be served,
for a letter to arrive, for a friend to call or show up for a date. We wait in
line at cinemas and theaters, concerts and circuses. Our airline terminals,
railway stations and bus depots are great temples of waiting filled with men
and women who wait in joy for the arrival of a loved one - or wait in sadness
to say goodbye and give the last wave of hand. We wait for springs to come - or
autumn - for the rains to begin and stop.
And we wait for ourselves to grow from childhood to maturity. We wait for those
inner voices that tell us when we are ready for the next stop.
We wait for graduation, for our first job, our first promotion. We wait for success
and recognition. We wait to grow up - to reach the stage where we make our own
decisions. We cannot remove this waiting from our lives. It is a part of the
tapestry of living - the fabric in which the threads are woven to tell the
story of our lives.
Yet current philosophies would have us forget the need to wait "grab all
the gusto you can get." So reads one of
America
’s greatest beer ads get
it now! Instant pleasure, instant transcendence. Do not wait for anything. Life
is short - eat, drink and be merry because tomorrow you will die. And so they
rationalize us into accepting unlicensed and irresponsible freedom- pre-marital
sex and extra marital affairs - they warn against attachments and commitments -
against expecting anything of anybody, or allowing them to expect anything of
us - against dropping any anchors in the currents of our life that will cause
us to hold and wait.
This may be the correct prescription for pleasure - but even that is fleeting
and doubtful - what was it Shakespeare
said about the mad pursuit of pleasure - "Past reason hunted, and once
had, past reason hated." Not if we wish to be real human beings, spirit as
well as flesh, soul as well as heart, we have to learn to wait. For if we never
learn to wait, we will never learn to love someone other than ourselves.
For most of all waiting means waiting for someone else. It is a mystery,
brushing by our face everyday like a stray wind of leaf falling from a tree.
Anyone who has loved knows how much waiting
goes into it - how much waiting is important for love to grow, to flourish
through a lifetime.
Why is this? Why can we not have it right now what we so desperately want and
need? Why must we wait - two years, three years - and seemingly waste so much
time? You might as well ask why a tree should take so long to bear fruit - the
seed to flower - carbon to change to diamond.
There is no simple answer - no more than there is to life’s other demands
-having to say goodbye to someone you love because either you or they have made
other commitments; or because they have to grow and find the meaning of their
own lives - having yourself to leave home and loved ones to find your own path
- good-byes, like waiting, are also sacraments of our lives.
All we know is that growth - the budding, the
flowering of love needs patient waiting. We have to give each other a time to grow. There is no way
we can make someone else truly love us or we them, except through time. So we
give each other that mysterious gift of waiting - of being present without
asking demands and rewards. There is nothing harder to do than
this. It truly tests the depth and sincerity of our love. But there is life
in the gift we give.
So lovers wait for each other - until they can see things the same way or let
each other freely see things in quite different ways.
There are times when lovers hurt each other and cannot regain the balance of
intimacy of the way they were. They have to wait - in silence but still
present to each other - until the pain subsides to an ache and then only a
memory and the threads of the tapestry can be woven together again in a single
love story.
What do we lose when
we refuse to wait; when we try to find shortcuts through life - when we try to
incubate love and rush blindly and foolishly into a commitment we are neither
mature nor responsible enough to assume? We lose the hope of truly loving or of
being loved. Think
of all the great love stories of history and literature - isn’t it of their
very essence that they are filled with this strange but common mystery - that
waiting is part of the substance - the basic fabric against which the story of
that true love is written.
How
can we ever find either life or true love if we are too impatient to wait for
it?
The last two months of my college life is very memorable. Happiness
is an understatement for that. Hehehe. Sobrang daming reasons to feel happy and
very blessed.
1. A bigger and happier
Barkada.
Being an
irregular and not having a block in beda will make you feel alone and out of
place. Well, not for me and for the rest of my tropa. Being an irregular is a
real blessing for all of us. Our tropa started with only four members, and this
sem, we’re 8! Hehehe. Combined forces ng tropa nina ate nel and tropa namin. With
that fusion, sobrang mas naging masaya ang pagtambay sa school. Just imagine us
spending more or less 12 hours in st. maurs’ lobby.
2. Cheerdance Champions!
I never joined
any cheering competition way back in hs. Una kasi hindi ko feel na pang
cheering ako and second, walang masyadong ganun sa dla. Pero I was really
hoping to experience it kahit once. When I was given the opportunity to join
the cheerdance in beda, pumayag ako. para kasi talagang hs sa beda, imagine,
one week without lessons and classes. Four days intrams + three days frolics =
one week vacation. So yun nga, sumali ako with grace. The experience was
something really memorable. I gained a lot of new friends, learned dance
routines and stunts, and I saw how supportive my org is. After three days of hardwork,
well, we became champions! Basta masaya.
3. PEACE Retreat
A requirement for
each bedan. Well, masaya siya kasi I was able to bond with my batchmates. And syempre,
masabi ulit kina mama na mahal ko sila. Hehehe. there was nothing new sa mga
narinig ko. may mga nakakainis pa nga na part eh, pero ok na rin. It was really
a bonding time for me. Kaya ok na rin.
4. Valentine’s Day 2007
since nbsb ako,
syempre, walang special someone sa valentine’s day. But February 14 is not an
exclusive date for lovers, it’s a date for love. i attended a mass for our
professors during that day. Syempre, kinuha ako ni sir piscos na commentator,
eh nahiya naman akong tumanggi kaya sige na lang. and kumanta din pala ako nun.
Tapos after, tumambay kami sa Greenwich with tropang irreg plus new friends
like kuya roi and kuya rhey. We spent almost 4 hours there. Syempre, si grax
and nanna, nakipagdate. Wala din pala sina ern and chris nun. Pero anyway, we
really had a great time. I spent 85% of the time playing. Hahaha. I remember
kuya roi and I playing “super bingo” (hindi namin alam tawag dun eh. Hehehe)
for hours and he taught me his strategies. Kaya ngayon, natatalo ko na siya
pati si kuya rheynand. Tapos may band dun na pangit. Pero buti na lang, pauwi
na kami nung nagstart sila kaya ok na rin. Then after spending almost the whole
day with my friends, I spent the rest with my family. nakalimutan ko na yung
kinainan namin pero somewhere malate. Buti na lang at napilit namin sila ni ate
na manila na lang kumain. =)
5. JPIA Elections
I can still
remember saying to myself during the first sem. “hindi ako magaactive sa jpia”.
siguro I was expecting the same jpia in dlsu and sbc. Yung tipong mararamdaman
mo lang pag nagpapareview or kung may reviewer na ipapamigay or kung may party.
Basta, I’m not satisfied with jpia when I was in dlsu. So pagpasok ko ng beda, I
was expecting that kind of jpia. pero beda proved me wrong. After being an active
member of jpia-sbc for almost a year, I was given the opportunity (kasi super
friends and classmates ko yung nasa party namin) to run as 2nd year
batch rep. (oh yes, second year pa lang ako. pero ok lang. hehehe).
After two
overnights and days of preparation, our whole slate, I mean almost, won. Sayang
kasi yung natalo na mga batchrep, one or two points lang yung lamang. Pero kahit na ganun, I know that the whole
party had the greatest times together. And dahil din sa balance, I was able to
love yung class na ayaw ko ng attendan dati. And ngayon, they’re one of my
closest friends and they’re even in my circle of friends.
6. PAPAT!
I dread qualifying
exams. That was the reason why I left lasalle. And I don’t know if I can still
bear to fail again and go through the same feeling again. Things that happened
in my life are destined to happen. Kaya siguro ako naging close sa mga third
year and been very blessed with my friends kasi sila yung sobrang makakasama
and susuporta sa ‘kin sa papat review and sa mismong papat. One thing’s sure,
all of us studied hard to pass. and all of us passed, and I was able to top the
exams.
God was very bighearted to me though during these times, I was
forgetting my service. Well, camp’s nearing and I think I can serve God through
that to bring back all the glory to Him. =)
“That in all things, God works for all
those who love Him. Those whom He has called according to His purpose…”
i’m very tired. hay. hindi ko alam kung bakit. siguro may hangover pa sa bakasyon pero parang iba eh. feeling ko palagi may sakit ako saka nanghihina. a good way to start new year huh? pero kahit na nakakapagod ang unang tatlong araw ko sa eskwelahan, nandito ako ngayon sa harap ng computer ang nagtatype ng walang kabuluhan.
january 1, 2007
my family and i went to bulacan to visit our relatives and our new born cousin. 4 days old palang siya nung nakita namin and he seems to be too big. i had a nice time chatting with my cousins and my tita in dubai. at nagkaron din ako ng time para mainis kay mama. pano ba naman, bawat galaw na lang, "KKKKKEEEEERRRRREEEEEENNNN!!!!" (level 5, ascending) palagi ang alam tawagin. hay. pero wala tayong magagawa, ako ang may alam eh. hehe.
january 2, 2007
movie marathon with my hs friends. grabe, namiss ko talaga sila. nasanay kasi ako to have them around almost everyday back in hs. dito kasi madalas tumatambay ang mga tao para MAG-ARAL at lumalandi. hahaha. iba talaga ang bonding sa hs. though masaya din naman sa college, pero there’s something in hs na hindi talaga mapapalitan. i really had an "almost perfect" hs life kaya sobrang namimiss ko kahit na maraming projects and palaging whole day. and i really miss the people that made my hs days one of the best…
january 3, 2007
happy birthday wewew (hs friend/retreat roommate/varsity teammate) and ate mars(college friend/tropa/mommy/ATE)! since 20 na si marynel, pinakain niya kami. hehehe. grabe, nakakabusog. sobra. on that same day, natulog ulit ako sa lib after many weeks na hindi ako nakakatulog dun!basta, masarap matulog sa lib! try niyo. hehehe. parang hindi first day, daming lessons.
january 4, 2007
happy birthday cheche (prescholl, elementary, hs friend)! this is a very tiring day for me lalo na kung 6 hours straight ang class mo. pagpasok mo pa, graded recitation agad sa speech com. nahihiya talaga ako dun sa block na yun. matatanda na kasi sila and parang matataray mga tao (well, except for some). mga 3rd year na kasi. basta, nakakahiya sa kanila. baka hindi na ulit ako kumuha ng class sa kanila next time. hay. after speech, acctg naman. buti na lang at naalala ko pa ang liquidation kaya hindi ako masyadong nahihirapan sa buhay ko. hehehe. as usual, kung kailan ako may dyaryo, saka walang test. kamusta naman yun diba. hay naku, nanood lang kami ng 1976 famas best picture. hindi ako sure sa exact title kaya hindi ko na lang sasabihin. pero ang favorite line ko sa movie ni ate nora, "my brother is not a pig!" yeah. hehehe. tapos umuwi ako ng pagod na pagod kasi paputol putol tulog ko. hay.
january 5, 2007
kanina lang yun! hehehe. so hindi na naman ako nakatulog ng matino dahil sa sakit ng tiyan ko. hay di ko alam kung bakit ba. baka bumabalik lang ang dating sakit ko. muntik na kong di pumasok sa acctg. buti na lang at sumusunod ako sa nyr (new year’s resolution) ko na hindi na magcucut at hindi na mag-aabsent hanggang kaya. hay. tapos may exam na agad sa bio. badtrip, hindi ako nag-aral ng matino na naman. pero anyway, inspired naman ako kanina kasi yung "guy in pink" (ehem sino naman kaya yun?!?! hahaha) binati ako with a smile, "happy new year!". pwede na kong mamatay. hahaha. joke. well, hanggang crush na lang naman talaga siya at hanggang dun na lang. hehehe. tapos natulog na naman ako sa lib. masama talaga pakiramdam ko eh. hehehe. at inaantok talaga ako. tapos marketing na. nagdiscuss lang si sir tapos tumitig na naman sa ‘kin. ako naman, kunwari nakikinig at tumutungo, pero ang totoo, inaantok na talaga ako. basta, nakakapagod.
funny kanina. tinitingnan ko yung profile ko tapos yung "member since" yung napansin ko agad. sep 2005. i was in lasalle then. and wala sa plano ko na gawin ‘tong second account kasi hindi pa naman puno yung isa kong profile (dati kasi hanggang 500 friends lang pwede sa fster. hehehe) pero eto na yun. kaya halos college friends ang laman ng profile na’to. hndi ko na nga nabubuksan yung isa ko pang account eh. eh ayoko na rin dun. hahaha.
girl bonding tomorrow! si nanna, pupuntang lp! hay naku, good luck na lang sa kanya. sna kumpleto kaming tropang irreg. nakakamiss na kasi sila. hindi na namin masyadong nakakasama si ate rox!!!
sino ba dapat walang pake???? hay naku. nyr ko na nga na maging friendly friend siya ulit. pero i can see that my efforts were useless. kaya wag na lang. wala na lang talagang pakelamanan. kung magkikita man kami after two years, hay, bahala na. hahaha.
si mama, ooperahan na sa monday. pray for her ha. well, kung nagtataka kayo kung bakit, eh di dahil dun na naman sa makulit na bukol dun sa left breast niya. yung pinaopera na dati. weird talaga ang cancer. pero i have faith that simbang gabi wishes are true. hehehe.
i’m really really sleepy and tired. kaya tama na ‘to.
signing off.
My first blog for 2007! But before I go on, just let me reminisce the things that happened to me last year…
I started 2006 with a broken heart. Good thing is I have my blockmates behind me. They never failed to boost my confidence and they really helped me recover. The start of the year is also a challenge for me in terms of studies. I will get to meet and mingle with new people. Hindi na kasi kami block. I guess things did work well for most of us during that term. Pero for sure, we really missed our block.
That year was filled with a lot of lasalle memories. I was blessed to be chosen as one of the Lasallian Ambassadors. Yun yung isa talaga sa mga pinapangarap ko kasi I was so inspired with my orientors (kuya Mark and ate Tel) during LPEP. I had the chance to go to Banahaw. I built new friendships with my co-lambs as well as my orientees. I had a lot of memories during LPEP. Naisip ko nga, “siguro kaya ako pumasa sa lamb sa first try ko kasi ito na yung first and last time na makakapagorient ako”. unfortunately, un na nga ang first and last lpep ko as a lamb pero I’m really thankful kasi I found a new family in la salle and I really had a great time with them. Hindi ko makakalimutan yung 10 na uwi tapos 5 am na alis. Sobrang nakakapagod pero lambs have their own way to make a very tiring LPEP day a very enjoyable and memorable one. I met a lot of great personalities and I really admired them. Sa sobrang pagmamahal ko sa lamb, may one time na tumakas pa ako para makadaan dun sa overnight kina akee. Hay, sobrang nakakamiss talaga sila. Well, my term as a lamb is already finished. Cheers to the new batch! May orientees ako dun! ^_^
I failed twice last year. sobrang nakakafrustrate yun! Knowing the expectation of the people around you as well as what you expect from yourself, nakakalungkot. I failed my qualifying exam twice. Saying, kasi nasa lasalle na ko tapos kailangan ko pa umalis. Maganda na sana buhay ko sa lasalle. Yung tipong planado na. naset ko na rin utak ko, tapos yun. Goodbye. Hay sobrang nakakalungkot. And ito pa yung catch, may point pa na hindi ko alam kung san ako mag-aaral. Natatakot akong magstop ng isang sem. Masyado na akong madedelay. Ayoko kasing maging bum. But then, BEDA came. A blessing in disguise.
On that same year, I transferred to San Beda College Mendiola. Kung icocompare ko yung beda and lasalle, masaccomodating ang mga tao sa beda. Maliit lang kasi yung school. And I really miss Lasalle’s facilities during my first months sa beda. Pero syempre, nakapagadjust din ako. little by little, I saw the beauty of Beda. I joined PFP, and org that reminds me of Lamb. I met a lot of acquaintances and friends. And I found my ever loving tropa (nanna, grax and te xanne). They really helped me adjust sa bagong environment. Parang hs ang beda. May mga school presentations at nakapagpresent na ako ng dance number at song number. Hehehe. Sobrang daming activities. And compared sa lasalle, so far, masmadali sa beda. I got a very excellent grade. Grabe, hindi ko inexpect yun lalo na alam kong nagaadjust pa lang ako. I won the first place in Joffre Alajar Cup. I got an autograph of my crush (pati na rin picture and friend ko na rin siya. Hehehe). And dahil sa beda, masmarami na akong alam sa manila.
I found a new set of friends during the YMPACT camp. Muntik pa akong hindi makasama. Pero God has his ways kaya nakasama ako. this year is really a rough road for ympact, pero we’ll get through it. This year will be better, I know.. J
I got my first regular sem break! Hehehe. Dahil nga regular sem na ang school ko, masnaenjoy ko ang sembreak. Sabihin na lang natin na mas naging close kami ng mga pinsan ko dahil sa sembreak. Grabe, kahit na ate nila ako, masaya pa ring mag-isip bata. Ang sarap nilang kasama kahit nanonood lang kami at nakatunganga maghapon at nananakot ng masbatang pinsan. I love my family! And I’m really blessed because they were the people that God gave me.
I’m legal!!! Yeah, I celebrated my 18th birthday at my tita’s house. A surprise debut for me! Pero nabuko ko sila. Pero ok na rin. At least may representative sa bawat part ng buhay ko. hindi man nainvite lahat ng friends ko, ok na rin. That was a very memorable night for me. And I can proudly say that the people around me really love me! Anyway, I love them too! J
2006 has been a very challenging and memorable year for me. Ang daming mga nangyari na hindi ko inakala na makakaya ko. if it hadn’t been for my family and friends, siguro hindi ko na kinaya. I know that I haven’t experience the worst yet and I’m praying na hindi naman mangyari yun, pero alam ko na 2006 taught me to be humble and brave.
As my life continues this 2007, I know that I’ll be experiencing more challenges and difficulties. I’m not that ready pero I know that I can get through it. Besides, God doesn’t give us challenges that we can’t face, and kung minsan nafifeel natin na hindi natin kaya, let’s just remember that God is still bigger than them. Kailangan lang nating magtiwala. Thank you for all the memories last year! and I’m looking forward for more this year! ^_^
PS. Please pray for my mom, she’ll be having another operation on her left breast early this year. hay. Cancer nga naman… Thanks!
It has been an honor for me to be with you this morning. It was indeed a great opportunity. Thank you for allowing me to. I’m looking forward for more afternoons with you. ^_^
I love our dogs! Kahit mga half breed lang sila, I always find them cute. Minsan nga lang nakakainis sila lalo na kung maingay sila kapag gabi at masyadong makulit kapag pinpakain. Pero besides from that, they’re sweet and loving and they know how to save a life, not once, but twice.
Beauty
Beauty was our second dog. We had it after Bea. Mga highschool pa ako
noon
. Funny kasi malusog siya tapos biglang one day, namatay na lang siya. I don’t know what really happened sa kanya pero during that time, mama was diagnosed with a stage2 b cancer. After niyang operahan and bumalik sa bahay, ayun, namatay na si beauty.
Zanjoe
I can still remember how cute zanjoe is. Siguro sa lahat ng naging aso namin, hindi mo siya pagkakamalan na may lahing askal kasi cute talaga. Tapos ang sweet pa. Puppy pa talaga siya nung nasa amin and I can still remember na I always carry him. For the record, siya pala yung dog namin na talagang pinapapasok namin sa bahay. Nakakatuwa siya lalo na kapag nakikipaglaro. I was looking forward in seeing him grow. Kahit na hindi na siya ganun kacute, siya yung second male dog naming and we treat him as a little brother na rin. We know he’s strong. He doesn’t look sick nor has he been sick. Pero few months ago, he also died.
Mama’s coming from tagaytay when zanjoe died. She stayed there for almost three weeks kasi she needs to detoxify her system due to exposure to various chemicals when my physically challenged grandmother lived here for a month. If mama didn’t detoxify, her life might be at risk because the recurrence of her breast cancer made her health unstable.
The death of our dogs and the status of mama’s health were somewhat interconnected with each other. Maybe it was coincidence or maybe not. Mama sees the dogs as her saviors. For her, it wasn’t coincidence; rather, the dogs saved her by giving up their lives for her. A twist of fate? nope. I call it miracle. ^_^
i found this article from one of my friends’ (ate dez’s) blog and i find it really informative specially for us girls.. hehehe.. read it! it’s worth your time.. hehehe..^_^
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Just Friends by Leah Castaqeda
I’m sure those with email or have friends with email have gotten wind of this article written by Susan Nikaido on the widespread phenomenon appropriately entitled "Just Friends?". With all the reaction the article has gotten from those victimized by the epidemic and those men who seem to live it, I thought, "Wait a minute maybe the topic deserves another shot!"
Nikaido starts her article by defining the phenomenon: boy and girl meet and they start spending a great deal of time together. They watch movies, go to the grocery or to the talyer together, hear mass, have breakfast, lunch or dinner together. It often extends to picking each other up or bringing each other home if the need arises. Their different circles of friends accept that inviting one means inviting the other and no one seems to have a problem with that arrangement.
She’s number three on his cellphone’s speed dial (home, work, girl). She’s the first person he thinks of when sending those god-forsaken text jokes. He calls her up three or four times a day, at the very least, and the conversation usually lasts for hours. Sounds familiar?
He begins telling her about the deeper things in his heart and invites her to share at this level as well. He sends her mushy ‘friendship’ cards and tells her that she means a great deal to him. He may become a little affectionate: the hugs begin to linger. The relationship has become wedged between friendship and M.U. (mutual understanding).
After a long while and a million questions from her friends, the girl musters enough courage to ask the boy that mllion-peso question: "What’s the deal between us?" Translation: "Ano ba talaga?"
Of course, that question which obviously meant to jolt the man into thinking: "We do have to define this relationship. We can’t be in limbo forever, therefore I’m going to ask her to be my girlfriend!", only makes him panic and run for his life. To her surprise, he does a quick about-face. He insists they are just friends. After that, he avoids her, leaving her hurt and bewildered. She feels rejected, she has lost not only a romantic interest but worse, a close and trusted friend.
And, she feels stupid.
Joe, a man asked about the phenomenon, explained this by saying,
"We were getting close, and it scared me." Single guys are normally on the look-out for women who are "girlfriend-material" so when they meet someone who they are not 100% certain fits the bill, they enter the "Just Friends" relationship. He starts calling her up and they start doing the boyfriend-girlfriend activities together. In his mind, they’re not dating and they’re definitely just friends. To her, he’s probably just waiting for the right time to propose and she’s sure he’s in love with her. Herein lies the confusion.
The Just Friends arrangement is great for the one who says, "of course not, we’re not dating!" Results of a random survey show that the guy usually plays this part. He happily goes on calling her and being with her, not knowing the extent and depth of her feelings for him. A plausible explanation for the fact that men are mostly the victimizers is that women do not normally choose to be with someone for a prolonged period of time if there is no attraction involved. If the attraction is not enough to bring the relationship one step further, we make sure from the very beginning that the guy does not mistake our closeness as, "more than friendship." Why waste time?
Guys, on the other hand, gladly enter a Just Friends relationship because it’s convenient having a quasi-girlfriend without the commitment. It’s like a country club membership without having to pay for anything especially if she allows intimacy into the relationship. For the guy, it’s icing on the free cake. "In effect, he is asking her for the rewards of a dating relationship: companionship, emotional intimacy, even affection without the responsibility. He is playing with her heart and her heart will probably get broken." Guys might think, "If she gets hurt because I told her that we’re just friends, it’s not my problem. I never said anything to make her think that I want to become her boyfriend." The heartbreak here lies in the fact that not only is the potential romantic relationship destroyed, but so is the friendship.
The logical thing to do for all those who have unfortunately gone through something as endlessly heartbreaking as being told after many months or years of "great friendship," "Huh? What are you talking about? We’re just friends!", is to run like hell. Stop seeing him/her! The situation is like a hole you dig for yourself, the longer you stay there, the deeper the hole becomes and the more painful it gets because you know as well as I do that he’s just going to keep calling you seeing you, and texting you. The only way you can save yourself is if you can effectively take control of your emotions and develop a life outside of your relationship with the man. He’ll complain and make tampo but just smile and say, "I’m busy, eh," whenever he asks you to go with him to the dentist (like you used to). The balance this will
create should enable you to quickly get over him once he finds someone he actually wants to become his girlfriend because he will. He may wake up one day and realize that you’re the one or he may not. Until then, you’re lunching in Tagaytay with your other friends.
Turning the tables around, the fair thing to do if you find yourself spending time with someone interesting enough to go out with but you’re just not sure, is to be completely honest with that person, especially if you have a feeling that the other person wants something more than friendship. The trick is to be straight and firm without sacrificing tact. You must be able to control the urge to see him/her all the time.
Usually, the feelings of the other person get sideswiped by this
time and we can avoid this if, from the very beginning, your were upfront with him or her. You might say, "But I enjoy her company! Why should I sacrifice my desire to be with her?" Listen, there’s nothing as vicious as unconsciously or consciously leading someone on for your own personal gain. There will never be an excuse for it. Find other people to hang out with (even if they’re not half as fun or as smart as she is). Be like butter and spread yourself around.
Remember, what we’re trying to avoid here is the eventual pain you’re going to inflict on her later, plus, we’re trying to protect the friendship. Now, take this time out to find out what exactly this woman means to you. If the feeling she gives you is the warm, fuzzy, safe, sunshiny type, then you love her as a friend and clearly, that’s all you want. She’s definitely your pal, your buddy, your ka-tight, your ka-G.
But if the feeling you have for her inside consumes you, makes your heart pound whenever she’s around, tortures you whenever she’s not, and makes you slightly insane with the thought of her being with another guy and now that you’re apart, has made your heart ache so much you can hardly breathe, pare, you’re in love with her. What next, you may ask?
Whatever you feel for her, gather the guts and tell her. She’s been your friend for so long that’s the least you can do. And then, you may say, "But what if it doesn’t work out in the end?" What if it does? Live dangerously! Take the risk! Hopefully, by now you’ve made up your mind. Now don’t try to be smart by saying, "I need to spend time with her to find out how I feel for her:. Find this out on your own! By this time, I’m sure you can already distinguish between romantic love and companionship. If you still can’t, stay the hell away from her. Your confusion only means one thing — you’re not in love with her.
The sincerity in your objective if all you want is to be friends with her should be manifested in how you treat her. Susan Nikaido says, "But what if a guy does only want to be friends? or wants to develop a friendship before he decides to date? It’s pretty simple. He just treats the woman like all his other friends. He doesn’t spend more time with her or call her more often than he does his other friends. He usually invites other people along when he gets together with her. He doesn’t pick up the tab when just the two of them go out. He avoids compliments that might communicate she is "special" to him. He lets her know he spends> time with other women. He’s extremely careful about showing any physical affection even playful shoves or hugs."
I still believe that a platonic relationship between a man and a woman is possible but only if the level of their love for each other is the same and as clearly defined as night and day. Both parties should take care in treating each other as friends, if that’s truly where they want to go. The in-betweens should not be allowed to get in the way to avoid needless disappointments, hurts and unmet expectations. In the end, there are very few rules to be followed in maintaining a "really just friends" relationship: Be fair, be true, be honest, and be certainight and day. Both parties should take care in treating each other as friends, if that’s truly where they want to go. The in-betweens should not be allowed to get in the way to avoid needless disappointments, hurts and unmet expectations. In the end, there are very few rules to be followed in maintaining a "really just friends" relationship: Be fair, be true, be honest, and be certain.
